One of the most painful things that sin brings about in our hearts is unforgiveness.  Unforgiveness is basically the decision to hold someone to a debt after they have hurt you. What has spurred me to write about it is the sudden realisation that Jesus Christ had a very serious and real point about unforgiveness in a little parable that he told. But a quick illustration before taking a look at the parable.

Recently, I was watching an American series called ‘The Good Wife’. It follows a married couple whose lives spin out of control after the husbands infidelity with a woman goes public. So after two years of ups and downs, they eventually start to  rebuild their marriage.

Then at the end of season two, she finds out that there was another woman he cheated with in the years past. So she kicks him out of the house. And the venom in between the couple rapidly builds. The man wants to reconcile, but the wife’s heart has hardened after all the pain she had gone through.

Right after this, her two teenage kids are feeling really confused. So her only daughter visits her at work. They enter the family car and have a really touching exchange. We jump into the conversation after her daughter asks why they can’t get back together.

Mom : “I am hurting”
Daughter : “Can’t Dad help you with that?”
Mom : “No”
Daughter : “But Dad is hurting too!”

This scene kind of sumed up the unfortunateness of the whole situtation. Two hurting people divided by unforgiveness that stands between them. Now, that was just an acted scene. But in real life, this is the kind of stuff that happens. People that loved each other suddenly turn into the most bitter of enemies. And they become completely blinded to each others feelings and the pain of those caught in their brawl.

Friends, workmates and even people who serve in church are not spared from this kind of pain and suffering. So is there a solution? Escpecially for those called to live for Christ. But first we have to clarify what unforgiveness does to us. And I think Christ captured it wonderfuly in a parable commonly known as the patable of the unforgiving servant.

Matthew 18:21-29, 31-35 NKJV
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.  Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.  And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.  But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made.  The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’  Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’  So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’  So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.  Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me.  Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’  And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

After reading this, I get the picture the unforgiveness does two things. Firstly, it turns us into what we hate. And then it blocks us off from God’s forgiveness. Generally speaking, when you make the choice to not forgive someone, your heart hardens and you end up releasing that pain and hatred to those around you.

Then it cuts us off from God’s forgiveness simply because by refusing to forgive, we attempt to cling to God’s mercy while being unmerciful to others. And closing off our hearts the forgiveness only God can give causes us to fall further from God’s illuminating light.

Now all that fancy talk aside, can we forgive people after they have hurt us? Because that is what it comes down to. All the sweet words from the Bible would mean nothing if we could never live them out.

Now, I don’t know if I am qualified to speak over anyones life. But someone who died for the sins of the world is. And if he says that we should forgive. Then I know God has placed in us the potential to cancel the debts we are owed.

Jesus doesn’t say that you should just drop it. The weight of the debt owed us when we are sinned against is acknowledged. But only that we let God pay out of his riches instead of demanding our pound of flesh.

I don’t know what you are going through. But whatever it is, please choose first to forgive.

Let’s pray;
Dear God, this is a hard thing for our stubborn hearts. Please help us forgive as you have forgiven us.
Amen