Thougths

Reclaiming Beauty: A Journey Beyond Physical Attraction

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Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a womanwho fears the Lord is to be praised.”(Proverbs 31:30 NIV)

Where is  the lie ?

Revealing the deception

They say “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.”  And perhaps it is correct to some degree.  But as I am sure many men, especially, will agree with me, there are those individuals whose beauty seams more universally acceptable or rather beheld. For the most part however, society and culture have dictated and socialized physical  attractiveness by  reducing it mainly to three general aspects namely; facial symmetry, proportionate body part distribution, and non verbal cues like facial expressions, body language and sent.  

Those of the more scientific persuasion have even come up with a rationalization of physical attraction calling it evolutionary psychology.  This factor, as discussed by Sajana Gupta, a health expert writer and editor, suggests that since people are physically attracted for the purpose of getting mates, evolutionary factors contribute significantly to what people consider attractive. In her article, Gupta argued  that;

  “Evolutionary psychology studies note that certain physical features and dimensions are considered physically attractive since those are desirable qualities in a mate from a biological and reproductive standpoint. Such characteristics include: Youthfulness, Physical health,Mental and emotional well-being,Strength, Fertility”

We can see that the “beholder” of beauty and beauty itself, much as it has been romanticized, are not always what we tend to think they are.  The more subtle nuances dictated by societal, cultural and natural selection factors present a much grander challenge on what we understand beauty and attractiveness to be. 

Believing the lie 

My fall from Grace 

As a young man, I struggled to define for myself what beauty is. I found myself attracted to a spectrum of young ladies from different walks of life, with wildly distinct  physical , social and culture variables.  I too was charting my own path and what about me was attractive to them.  In this uncertainty, hearts were broken ( both theirs and my own), egos were bruised and pride was hurt.  You see, believing that I was the beholder in whose eyes lay beauty meant that my socialization, my cultural leanings and my physiological make up defined, dictated and determined for me who I should be attracted to.  It put me right smack at the center of the valley of decision where my heart was at the mercy of a beauty, or where a beauty was at the mercy of my heart.   I got into relationships, situationships and  “understandings” that I had no business getting into all for the sake of being the beholder! 

I discovered quickly that beauty is fleeting because it kept  shifting goal posts. One day it is the pretty smile , the other day, it’s the kind gesture. One moment it’s the pretty doe eyes, the other it’s the look of intense desire. It was hard to pin point a universal description of beauty and given the fleetingness of socialized attraction, it didn’t take much to see why I observed and experienced intense, passionate “can’t live without you”  type of feelings of attraction one minute, and a nonchalant,  distant ,  Indifferent response to the same beauty the next .  Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder ? Really? The rabbit holes one can go down are innumerable! Whose beauty ? Which eyes? What is beholding? Do I see right ? Who determines what beauty is to behold ? Can I trust my beholding skills? 

But what if I told you that both the statement and it’s intended meaning have been a long standing lie that has led a great many married couples  to their detriment. What if “beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” can be reclaimed for immutable Truth.  What if beauty isn’t what we have always known it to be. What if the “beholder” is not you? 

As I started out in ministry as an apprentice to my then youth pastor, I had aspirations and desires to please God by serving him within the context of the church as a full time minister. I had finally found my purpose and calling and was going for it no matter the cost.  

As a result of this passion, I realized that the relationship in which I was at that time was pulling me in a different direction so I had to end it.  

I immediately looked for someone else that would suit my needs and was esthetically pleasing.  It didn’t take too long before I was in another relationship and this time everyone at my church admired my choice.  She was attractive and we seemed to have similar interests.  But the darker underlying current was an unholy sexual attraction that all mistook for the “I can’t live without you” type love.  It was pure idolatry masked in a relationship and Sanitized by our Chriatian proclivities.  

Physical attraction was paramount in this relationship and because it mattered so, nothing else mattered as much… not even our personal devotion to God.  All our celibate ideals and the notions of  purity were thrown out and replaced by pure raw passionate and unchecked desire for each other. It was at this point that our Christianity kicked in to “invite God” into our relationship.  The truth is that he had not been Lord over us… only a consultant.  

Needless to say, it didn’t end well.  It ended as publicly as it started, seeing as I was a public figure- a pastor moreover! So, many people thought I had lost a good thing and some could have said it to my face with little grace if they got the chance. It was a general consensus in that community that what we had was what was desirable for all and so a break up was devastating not just for us as a couple but the community I was serving.  They had idolized our relationship as the standard for all pursuing love. 

Confronting the lie

the rescue mission 

It was in this place, where my heart was broken, my ego was crushed and my pride was swallowed that the Lord visited me. My very being felt like it had gone through a shredder. I had been crushed under the rubble of a collapsed and weighty relationship and what was left of this beating heart cried aloud to God like Johnah in the Belly of the fish. “…In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry.” (Jonah 2:2 NIV)

For the first time in  a long time, a time of one relationship after another, , I finally had peace. I was stripped of all I held on to for significance, approval and meaning.  I was delivered from the deception of romance and the delusion of fleeting beauty I was under.  For the first time I delighted in more than what this world or any woman could offer me.  I began to actually experience , like Paul the apostle, a contentment beyond what my strength could conjure. The proverbial peace of God transcending human Understanding had finally birthed a newness of spirit and soul in me. 

My hopes and dreams, my desires  and  anticipations were refashioned and reordered. I had a new heart, as it were!  I was a new creature with new affections, redefined passions and deeper longings than I could have ever imagined. 

Saving Truth Bombs

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”(Psalms 37:4 NIV)


It was in this renewed heart posture that epiphanies, revelations and certainties live. For as long as my heart beat for what God’s heart beat, I was bound to see beyond what had always been before me.  I was once blinded by my own iniquity but now , I could see ever so clearly. 

Then I saw her face! Now I am a believer ! (Cue music).  Don’t get me wrong, her face and body are the kind that a universally agreed upon as “Hot”.  She had been in my circles  this whole time, but what I beheld as beauty and charm previously couldn’t allow me to witness this glory before my eyes.  Her beauty went beyond elaborate hair styles, jewelry or a seductive  personality. Hers was that of “ inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”(1 Peter 3:4 NIV). I finally understood that make up went beyond the physical appearance.  One could adorn her spirit and heart in such a way that it shines the beauty of God’s light eclipsing, every other kind of beauty. This beauty is eternal and worth more than any treasure known in the world. 

A man that finds such beauty has found a good thing. He has obtained favour from God and is enviable by all.  By God’s mercy and in his grace, I, even I, have experienced this beauty and it is most attractive! Imaginary Tears fill my eyes every time I think of this rescue, not even from my exes or my past,  but from my own fall from grace.

The final Analysis 

What then shall we say? Physical attraction is a natural response to esthetically pleasing stimulus. We must not expend unnecessary  energies on fleeting  appearances and deceptive demeanors but rather invest in attributes of eternal value.  Physical attraction is the God-made, inbuilt mechanism that draws people together so that they may find beyond that attraction an internal beauty.  

As Christians, We do well to lean into that unfading beauty and shine a light on it so much so  that those who are blinded by frivolous, misguided beliefs on what is attractive  will see the light and praise the Father in heaven. For after all, this must be our grandest delight; to behold the beauty of his glory ( Psalms 27:1)

  


Putting motive before motion

Ralph Warom Leave a comment

A kid decides he is done being at the tail end of his class in academia. A girl decides she wants to finally get serious about learning to play the piano. A person gives their life to Christ. Red hot decisions that have a lot of force behind them.

So why is it that the kid who is at the tail end tends to remain there. Pianos are often covered in dust, dreams are forgotten and many people give up on the business of following Christ and remain in the zone of belief alone. As a person who has lived more than 10 years knows, making a big declaration does not mean following through with it to the end.

When you try to kick a bad habit, create a good one and change the direction of your life, you notice a resitance after a while. And if you don’t make progress as expected, it is easy to throw in the towel, throw out the bath water and remember the long lost babies of opportunity with nostalgia and ‘What ifs?’. And that is just basic habits.

Now the difference between a life lived for the name of Jesus and one lived selfishly without Jesus is a big chasm. Now, not everyone wants to live for Christ, but for the person who understands what Christ did, this is a big deal. And if we are going to be salt and light, then we need to get this right.

My honest prayer for you is that you would be able to succeed and live a life of blessing to those around you. Because all the excitment about starting something eventually wanes. God made the excitment to punctuate the story of your life. Not make entire sentences.

Keeping motives central is essential. When you first accept Jesus, all the energy and motivation comes easy. Then the stress and strain of life chips away at it.  But to live by the spirit is not a matter of mood. It is a matter of motive. Keeping the Holy Spirit central keeps you in step with what God wants to do in your heart.

Ok, so here it is. This is how to keep focused on Christ. Simply read your Bible, pray everyday and love people. Nothing fancy, nothing exceedingly ‘Spiritual’ but a big part of what you need to do.

The good news is, that as you work on your responsibility, God works through his sovereignty to bring you to be more and more Christlike as time goes on. To lean on God even when situations are tough and remain humble in Christ through success is the key characteristic of the Jesus follower.

John 15:7-12 NKJV
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. “These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.  This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Let us pray;

Dear God,
Help us abide in your commands and your law. Teach us to read our Bibles and pray everyday.
Amen

One Call

eloquentsilences Leave a comment

I have had countless conversations with men and women that make it clear they don’t believe in a deity of any kind and there are also those who believe anything goes. In the wake of this godless and indifferent movement, thousands of Christians’ faith has been under fire and many more have lost it… a steep price the church is paying for throwing a blind eye to the matter.

Lives have been lost to waywardness and worldliness of the highest order, Christianity has lost its place and authority in society. There is more gratification than there is gratitude in the hearts of many. While this decadence is eating the church up and consuming it with all sorts of fiery passions, it is lost in its contentions, its dissensions and its divisions. It has so much to give but gives alot of…”not so much”.

We have lost the Power and authority we once had because of dissensions like “one man’s miracle is another man’s demon.” It is indeed a shame how we have engrossed ourselves in our own differences  and as such ,  it has made us weaker, made us vulnerable. It is in the middle of this “Church Civil war”, that the devil, satan, Lucifer… hits his hardest blow. The enemy from of old, the villain of the story preys on a dying and helpless church. A church helpless only because it helped itself get to this point.

There are those however, that have seen the hope of Glory. the remnant of the King… the set apart. These have been and always will be raised in the face of annihilation. Through History, they have etched an indelible mark in the life of the dying church. Yes… it isn’t new that the church has been dying…

But what is intriguing is the punctuation of life and Hope every time the church is dying. Somewhere some how, some one is Chosen, picked on to carry their Cross and bear their burdens for the life of the church. From  Paul, to St francis.. Martin Luther, to Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King to Billy Graham… The Lord raised a standard in the midst of a dying church.

I present us with a challenge. To be enlisted in this, the greatest of armies. To serve The king of hosts who will always be in search for a warrior heart after truth, righteousness and Justice….

It is an honor of the most high kind… where we are primed for purpose. To establish a kingdom of Goodness, where evil reigns. This is the single greatest call of Duty.
one call, One purpose, One King.

peace to the world.

The diversity of darkness and the Light of Truth.

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It has taken some time for me to come to terms with the fact that as a growing Christian, there are others like me, seeking for truth about the reason they believe, and are at different places in their faith. For the longest time, I always thought I was the only right one …well, I and all those that agreed with me especially on matters to do with my faith and my understanding of God.   It is quite a disarming revelation to know that we all, as Christians, are in this together and are being broken, molded and taught daily about the God we serve, what it means to serve him and how we aught to serve him. In this course, differences come up. There are those that hold one teaching dear over another and as such disdain all other teachings. These are usually labeled the fundamentalists. There are those who are content only with the basics and would be grateful, if it were kept that way, these are called the conservatives. Then there are those that want to go both ways and these are labeled the moderates. There are those that like to include “outside information” to enrich their Christian experience, these are labeled the liberalists.

All of them are in one way or another trying to find their way to the Truth. Some may have gotten it wrong at first but get round to it eventually, others adamantly refuse to move from what they know, whilst others stray way, way out of the plan that it is almost improbable to get them back on track.
Such is the way of humans.
The diversity of humanity is an erratic, unpredictable and disorderly miscellany of ideas, mindsets, opinions, philosophies, attitudes, notions, thoughts, concepts, and cultures! These are the most instrumental elements that affect the assortments of humankind in their perceptions on all concerning faith and life. As a result, misconceptions of Truth are birthed. Because of a wide range of perceptions, there are differences in thought patterns; unchangeable cultural differences… different attitudes and opinion are built in time.

Because of the fallibility of our humanness, the co-existence of this diversity has created eternal feuds between cultures, between societies and between nations for countless lifetimes. The world was stricken with unthinkable horrors created and distributed by those that, for egocentric and narcissistic reasons, wanted their mores to excel for their own puny continuity. These men fell blind to the beauty of diversity and almost destroyed all that is good and true in the eye of the Creator. They linger on today, causing mayhem and chaos because of inward looking attitudes, opinions, philosophies and perceptions fostered over time.  The dim light of their own little glory blinded them from valuing any other kind of light. As such, they cast more darkness to the beauty of our world. A beauty that was put there in the first place for man to marvel at! The shadows of wickedness past are still hurled at the far borders of time.

The beauty of shadows however, is in the light that casts them.  The silhouettes of a much darker blackness lurk and prowl looking to spread their malady on our frail humanity with the sole purpose to feed on our own destruction…

But the light! Oh the light that reveals! Oh blackness, where is your power? Through the cracks of time, were shimmers of truth, till that day at Calvary… when all light broke loose!  The Light of Truth! The speech of a sentient being; The WORD of GOD!

This is why I disagree with the idea of relativism of truth.Truth cannot and will never, by its nature, be relative. Instead it is the perceptions of truth that are relative. The Word of Truth is either truthful or a lie! It cant be both to different individuals.
It is this word of Truth that brings all differences, all diversities, all philosophies and all ideas under one call. His call!
This word that He holds above his name, is not (in my opinion) -as traditionally believed to be -written on pages of paper or in sacred book of truths written over centuries.  No, this word I speak of is written in every heart and in every soul. In every spirit and in every mind!  Written as an imprint of Himself in the very fabric of humanity for it to have dominion, authority and continuance of all things good and True.

As a Christian, the “written” word of God, that is the bible, (again, in my opinion) is a road map, a field with clues, symbols, directions and guidelines for the maze of life as we know it. It is the compass that leads us to the very definition and our understanding of Who this Light of TRUTH is.

GOD, this Light of TRUTH, could not and Will not be limited to what is written about him in our holy books. This is not to dismiss what they say and why they teach us how to live a fulfilled life here in our puny little world… But we cannot be blinded again by our conceptions and desperately limited knowledge of all that God is. He is much, much bigger !

The word is not the end in itself. It is the Beginning of the Knowledge of him. It’s the Torch and he is the light! The revelation of life begins in the beauty of his light! The Light of Truth!

Upright Love

eloquentsilences 4 Comments

900love2

I have done a great many things in this life of mine. None ever so grave… Much less as dire… And even less as obsolete! I have changed course, made known my failings and forwarded my imaginings. I have neither shone nor lit a light in the darkness past. I move to a hope I see ahead. I see a light from a far. One I can hope in. one that comes not from me.
I live in no shame of what is before me… coz that I can change. I see no fear in change b’coz in fear, I see no change. None at all! I see the same old drab and take to the same old patterns where I find no comfort there in. I have non to tell of the greatness there is…because fear…
oh the wretched fear that takes my hope…my light…my all.
Therefore, in what is before me… a yonder, ahead, I have no shame, for in it, I create all I want or destroy all I don’t.

For the light that comes from a source without, I take no pleasure in its defiance. In fact, I loathe its abuse. For all its brightness and purity, there is no comparison.

At the entrance of the unknown, I stand. The world at my feet, time on my side and the Lord at my throne…  I win! I win every time! With all of life’s demons thrown at me; with the past yanking at my hope, I WIN. I WIN. There is an eternal brightness, an unfathomable depth of pure bred, unadulterated love.  A love that searches the intents and kindles the fires of a heart wild and true!
Oh, how the weary and tiring shambles of decadence try this desolate soul of mine. As before, they raise the past from the dead, they darken the hope ahead and charge with terror from nowhere and everywhere. They are swift and thorough. Their blows bring a sudden and shuttering feeling of finality. They deplete this soul of all of life’s meaning.
This fallen shame, since the beginning of time has tormented and nearly annihilated all that was known of the power and strength of the original mankind! The Power of Love, the Light of the World…
It lingers on though, strengthening and building a remnant. One left from the rabble and ruins of a darkness fading. It charges too, with purpose and passion. With one mission, the light breaks through the darkness to restore all the glory lost in the dread of old.
I am one such as those that have survived the darkness’s terror.
So I will be steady, and I will be ready. I will be strong and I will be bold. I with the light! I will bask in the beauty of its glory, benign as it may be, deem as it may seem, I will tarry on and love the light…to light my love.

The Embrace

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The eyes slowly shut …the mind care-freely drifts into memory lane.  Back…. further back in time, When nose picking, toe nail biting and spit-recoil brought naughtiness and thrill to a young and innocent heart…. When warmth and laughter were unmistakably present in a hearty chuckle!     Back in time when evenings were filled with songs, stories and bond fires… when candle light brought beauty to a night rid of artificial light and technology…
A breath slowly nudged the mind back…. briefly enough to take in the moment, the comfort…to be conscious of how time seemed to have stopped….or been travelled through…and yet not…sooo very not!
As the wonderment of living in two times prevailed the mind, her hand gently slid across the back…
In this embrace, the mind drifted slowly back….
The scent of fried chicken, baked potatoes and tummy-boggling seasoning….
The sound of guitar and song…. little voices in chorus singing…
Yes! The mind drifted to a time when jitters filled the heart of all that caught the spirit of the moment!                                                                                                                                                Serenity and gladness filled the air as the man sang, the little ones accompanied him, the older ones giggled and laughed as they helped the lady of the house!  She, in her splendour, was painting her masterpiece…one she paints every night. The little meal, in the little kitchen of a little home with big hearts, warm laughs and powerful moments!
The mind knows no better wonder! If love exists, this is it. This must be IT!
Yes! Right now…in this moment….This is love!
As the eyes slowly open, the cheeks gently brush against each other. In the fullness of time, the eyes beheld the beauty that raced the mind through the glory of time.
 Greater meaning, deeper strength came to the heart, whose eyes beheld the beauty before them. In this embrace was all that was needed, all that was desired, all that was pure. In this embrace lay the strength of heart and a burning love that not a soul could change. In this embrace, was an encounter no lie could take a way…
And with the eyes locked in a gaze, he said….

“I love you. These words have my life in them.”

Open-Endedness

eloquentsilences 3 Comments
There have been books that have never been finished, stories that have never been told and minds that have never been explored and in all this, one thing stands true…
It isn’t over. It never is. There has been such an inexplicable sense of awareness of the great beyond that it is utterly impossible to deny its existence.
The great beyond: A place where millions have ventured and none ever return. A place of myth and mystery, hope and darkness, beauty and despair… all entangled in the minds that wonder of it.
A place with a vastness beyond imaginings… A fierce terror lives in the great beyond… one that leaves those that live in pain and bewilderment. For they love those it mercilessly takes… and takes without remorse or favor.
The great beyond: A time of rest for some, a time for judgment for others…
All of humanity has sought to evade, avoid or expose this mystery. For all the suffering and pain in this the land of the living is solely a chain of reactions that start and end with this great beyond.
It creates in humanity a void. One that cannot be quenched!
Desperate and torn, humanity has plunged itself in chaos and turmoil… the great beyond  takes all hope and all that is good with the bad…and never does it return…
Philosophies have been created, songs composed, pictures painted and books written all expressing their creative imagery of what “it’s” like and yet all reveal the enormous unknown.
Legends, myths and stories have been told of all those that were taken by the great beyond… But only one stands out for many a people. One story that changed the course of history and split time in half! A story that has carried millions from a place of despair to hope! From lost-ness to purpose! A story that dealt the single greatest blow to the mysteries of the great beyond!
It is this story, of a God, a man and a cross. A story of redeeming love and undying hope, that has shaped the moral cord of every fiber in history since its telling. The story has been used to bring healing, to bring wholeness, to bring the fullness of life to a torn down, beat up and wrecked humanity.
This story began a journey for many… one without fear. A journey with purpose!
Life was and forever will be filled with meaning for as long as this story remains true in the heart of humanity.  For us all, the story about the great beyond has just begun.
“Death has lost its sting”

The Cross, The Lord & The Gateway

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I have heard and read many a people’s liturgy and tons of theories about the the end of days, the spiritual gates, the war on our lives, the battle for our souls…Everything tears against our fallible thinking and we are left more confused than when we ventured on this journey…The Journey of Love.. the Journey Of a Salvation…the Salvation.
Christianity today has lost its power, its authority in society and in individuals solely because we misunderstand what it means to grow.

We have pursued everything that is colorful and flaring at the cost of the fundamental truth of this Once Great faith. We want higher things, we seek for deeper revelations, we chant and we runt..we make proclamations and seek knowledge all the while, we loose a grip on all that is our foundation. We forget the One whose name is above all others, the giver of life, the beginning of time, from whom all knowledge comes. The very Mark of our identity!
We make remarks like “the things of the cross and salvation are milk..Lets move on to greater things..the meat”.

I am Persuaded and always will believe that at the Cross, all was laid bare. All biblical mysteries before that time were  on public display. They all started and Ended with the bloody man on the Tree.
The message of Salvation and the Cross, are NOT to be mistaken for the elementaries the Hebrew writer was talking about. They are not only fundamental to our Christianity, but they are the very embodiment of our spirituality. They are Central to all we (as Christians) believe. It is not our good works, Not our fervent prayers, or our desire for knowledge about the Mysteries that are no doubt exciting to know.

The most recent intrigue has been the 11.11.11 gate way.  To be frank, it has more about what we must do to secure the gates than it has about the The Purpose of Our faith in Christ against all these gates.The Truth is..these gate ways(if we can call them that) have been there since time began

We tried in every way to secure, sanctify and break them all on our own and in our efforts(as is depicted in the old testament). God uses the Old testament to show us what its like to live by the Law…

It nulifies any relationship we have with him..if we think we can attain his love .
Point is, whether or not they are there… our primary aim is to measure them against the standard above all others. The Covenant that erased and nullified all others… the Cross and the Lord!

Ours is to grow deeper in the knowledge of him and in the Understanding of His Word..then we can aptly apply it to the the vast mysteries of the world
A friend of mine said,  “its like they are fitting the Word into the whole idea and not the other way around”

This is what happens when we make the mistake of thinking that the cross and salvation are elementary. It is againt This Cross..salvation that all these messages and mysteries are measured. It is the Man Jesus, for whom i identify myself as a Christian. Not my prayer or my deep search for Spiritual Knowledge. In light of all this…we will find Truth.. Truth far beyond the knowledge and wisdom, far beyond the prosperity and good health we pursue. The Truth that will bring us to the very feet of all that is good and true. A culmination of perfection and power. The saving grace of Our Lord. And that is all the truth and Knowledge we need.

(Col 2:8)  Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.

(Col 2:9)  For in him dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily.